Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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