I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
