Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
