these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im holly from the hills drunk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
