You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize