I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
