if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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