yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He did a backflip because drugs
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