I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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