I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
