I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
