I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
