News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
