I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
