that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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