These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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