Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
