You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize