Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
