My friends, they love my intelligence
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
