hell yes lets make some ravioli
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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