We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
