He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
