And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize