You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
