totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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