i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
