you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
