Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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