Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
