lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
