He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
