Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
