The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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