I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
