Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
