so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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