My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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