do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
