I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
