you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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