why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
