Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
