I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
