shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize