He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize