I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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