how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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