just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize