so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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