I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
