I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
is that a dick in a sweater?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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