I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
