Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
