I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
