What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize