They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
