whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
