I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize