currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
