walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
