I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
