I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
