Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
