so that wasnt chicken after all
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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