I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
