Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize