oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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