my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
